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An Amalgamation of Love and Hate…
Read more: An Amalgamation of Love and Hate…“We are an amalgamation of everyone we’ve known and loved.” I saw that quote, and it’s been there in the back of my mind, a whisper of a melody I long to hear in full. Some days I feel like a threadbare quilt, almost translucent, nearly gossamer. But I know I’m a tapestry, thick and…
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I Crashed My Bike & Had An Epiphany
Read more: I Crashed My Bike & Had An EpiphanyI crashed my bike yesterday, and it taught me a lesson. But let’s back up. Midwest spring means blooms turning their shy faces to the burgeoning strength of the sun. Leaves begin to adorn the dryad’s branches, like ladies with lovely new hats, preening and clucking at one another. I like to sit in a…
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I’m the Villain in Your Story
Read more: I’m the Villain in Your StoryI’m the villain in your stories. Do you tell them that I was wrapped in black velvet and satin, my breasts pushed up by the corset top so that everything else faded but your desire? Did you say that my bright jade irises distracted you from the fangs behind my smile? When spinning tales about…
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2 Years of Sweet Love.
Read more: 2 Years of Sweet Love.Flour dusted hands and faun eyes large with light. Hands on my hips, fingers digging into flesh. We dance under abalone, tulip blossoms in the sun, opening bright. Love with you is like lemon cake with lavender icing; love with you is like laughter, limbs entangled in firelit dark; love with you is like the…
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A dream about friends and helplessness…
Read more: A dream about friends and helplessness…I had a dream about him, and about her. It wasn’t the story about the couple who were torn apart by a slip in time and space, who each entered a shop for Halloween costumes, and became stuck in two different worlds, unable to reach one another. Forever. It is not the dream about the…
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The snow day that never was, and more things.
Read more: The snow day that never was, and more things.I feel like the grey is burrowing under my skin. My veins are not the blue of summer midnights, but the grey slush of breaking winter dreams. Sometimes I believe I am like the month of March; a few days of fake Spring, making people emerge with hope, and then spoiling their smiles with snowfall…
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Letters to my younger self, continued…
Read more: Letters to my younger self, continued…Dear Younger Me, To the little girl Liz. You were so desperate for affection, even back then. You had it with your family, and you had a few friends who cared for you, but a lot of the time you felt like a misfit. A lot of times it was the bullies who made you…
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Step 3 and Struggles
Read more: Step 3 and Struggles***TRIGGER WARNING: discussion of suicidal ideation, suicidal thoughts, mental illness, addiction*** Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of Goddess as we understood Her. Yes, I changed the wording slightly to fit my own beliefs. I don’t LOVE how the big book is really Christian-based but…
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Step 2, And I’m not alone.
Read more: Step 2, And I’m not alone.I am a recovering alcoholic… and, for my sanity, I need to do shadow work, and work the steps. So, if you want to see my journey and my vulnerability, come along with me on this journey. 2: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. This is oddly…
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Letters to my Younger Selves,
Read more: Letters to my Younger Selves,I need to start this by saying I am getting back into shadow work again. And our next podcast is going to be about advice to our young selves. So here is the first part of my letter. Stay tuned for more… Dear Younger Me, There are so many things I wish I had known,…
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You love me, BUT…
Read more: You love me, BUT…I loved you BUT… I loved you, like the ocean loves the moon, tides pulling with your command, my body in your sway. My heart mirrored you, an incandescent pearl in the blue deep, as you hung, luminous, in the indigo night. I loved you fiercely, a conquistador planting my feet in the soil of…
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Fallen God…
Read more: Fallen God…You tumbled through space and time, your rack of antlers ripped away by the greedy black hole you were swept into, stars grasping for light as you gasped for breath, death at your fingertips. Immortal ichor to mortal blood. Even the sound of your screams dissolved into nothing and everything. You landed in a concrete…
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Embers and Craters
Read more: Embers and CratersI brushed my hands across your brow, saw blood on my fingers. I wondered if I was the one with the knife, or if you had razors hidden in apple petal curls. Did you ever write letters just to watch them burn and sizzle in the flames? I wonder at the words eaten by fire…
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An Old High-school Blog…
Read more: An Old High-school Blog…The other day, my lovely friend Julie mentioned that she was reading her livejournal, and it sparked my curiosity. I wanted to read mine again. I do it every few years, laughing at how dramatic I was, cringing at some of the things I wrote, groaning over the grammatical errors and the little girl I…
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Demons and Caves Part 1
Read more: Demons and Caves Part 1Malacoz ran through the brush, tireless, his feet pounding on the cold ground and the wind blowing his hair back from his face in a way that made him want to howl in triumph. His quarry was fast, faster than he’d thought she’d be, and he relished the chase, how it emptied his mind except…
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12 years sober today…
Read more: 12 years sober today…November is fucking depressing. It’s something about the bare trees, the grey skies, losing the hour of light in the evenings – and my own memories. I’ve been sober for 12 years and I’m eternally grateful for that. I’m proud of how far I’ve come and I celebrate this day every year, because I still…
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Dear It’s Best If We Don’t Talk-
Read more: Dear It’s Best If We Don’t Talk-Dear It’s Best If We Don’t Talk, We won’t speak face to face in this life again, but I hope you know I don’t wish you ill. Quite the opposite, in fact. I wish you no harm, nor would I hex or curse you. I wish you growth and happiness. After all, it was you…
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Invisible
Read more: InvisibleI feel like I slip through the world in shadows, gathering a cloak of stars and darkness around me. I like the way the night curls around my long fingers, and the swelling secrets I hear on the murmuring wind. But – I didn’t ask to be invisible. I’m cold. Is this a version of…
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Reckless Freedom
Read more: Reckless FreedomI wonder if I’ll ever stop looking over my shoulder, searching for the Huntsman on my trail. He wants to put my heart in a velvet lined box. I don’t know if these tired eyes and this worn smile can sway him; I am not the beauty they once called me, though I never believed…
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I don’t feel ok.
Read more: I don’t feel ok.I don’t know if I can make this poetic, when I just need to let it out. I don’t feel ok. I haven’t felt ok for weeks. Anxiety has been nipping at my heels, little bites of pain, making my whole body shake and tremble with irrational fear. Some days I feel like I’m floating…
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Elisabeth Writing 