Elisabeth Writing

Being sixteen, I thought, was like an artificial Christmas tree: all glitter and no substance, despite the twinkling lights and the promising shine of tinsel. Get a new haircut, start wearing makeup and cute clothing and, what, suddenly I was worthy of attention? I twirled in my short skirts and laughed at the wide eyes of people I might have known, once. I was a hurricane, sweeping in with no subtlety and leaving damage in my wake. I wanted them to want me, and I wanted to punish them for not wanting me before, too. At night, I cried for release, unable to find it even with trembling fingers below my waistline. 

“Liz!” Luca shouted my name and I blinked hazily into the sunlight. He stood by the pool’s edge with a large glass in his hand, his dark, curly hair all askew. His hip was cocked and his sunglasses were sliding down his tanned and freckled nose. “We’re toasting you, you stupid bitch.” 

My mind felt foggy: possibly from the margaritas we’d been drinking all day. “What are we toasting, exactly?” 

“Your lost virginity!” Luca announced theatrically, and then he and my sister Lexy dissolved into giggles. 

I pushed myself onto my elbows and rolled my eyes. “Ha. Ha. So funny.”

Lexy pursed her lips and pushed her sunglasses further back onto her head, her blonde hair bright and vivid under the sweltering sun. “I need food.” 

“Why?” I buried my face in my empty cup, frowning. Did we have more? I couldn’t remember. I wondered if you could read margarita salt on the bottom of the glass like you could read tea leaves. And what would mine say? A tall, handsome stranger will come into your life. I snorted softly; yea, right.

Luca jumped into the pool before Lexy could reply, almost soaking us. When he emerged he shook his head, splashing us with water droplets as we shrieked, as if he had to make sure we didn’t escape his water games. He grinned, all mischief, as he swam over to my spot. “That’s such a Marsha thing to say.”

I felt an intense sense of love for these two: my sister and Luca. One who knew me from the moment she opened her dark eyes; one who found me in the savage hallways of Saint Augustine Highschool and claimed me as his friend. I couldn’t imagine not having known Luca. He was wild, incomprehensible at times, intelligent, and hysterical. We liked to drive around in his red Minicooper and blast whatever soundtrack he’d curated: Metric, Ladytron, musical soundtracks, bands I’d never heard of. We would storm through the cobbled streets and clutch our stomachs laughing, pretending we were spaceships. Or we’d cling to our drinks and stumble into the woods, claiming that we were going to Narnia. Before school we’d smoke and go into classes with red eyes and goofy smiles, to our teacher’s annoyance or dismay. He made this place feel more like home. But… I missed Ohio. 

“Whatever, guys. You’re being ridiculous. Let’s pick out our clothes for tonight! We have to do something fun before Lex and I go to Ohio for the summer!” I stood – and swayed as the dizziness hit me. “Shit. How much liquor is in these?”

Luca jumped out of the pool and sprinted into the house. Later, when we were getting ready to go out, he ran shrieking around the house wearing my red pumps and Lexy and I gasped for breath, laughing so hard that it hurt. I stole some of his tennis-shoes and posed in my navy blue sheath dress with the brass buttons, wondering if I’d get any comments on MySpace if I posted it. The three of us ended up on the floor, giggling and philosophizing until the moon began to climb across the sky, Jack’s Mannequin and Goldfrapp our soundtrack as, in the spaces between our words, we told our deepest secrets.

“I want you all to comment anonymously… I want you to post your secrets.

I’ll post some of mine, too.

 Anonymously.

**edit** YOU CAN POST MORE THAN ONE secret, AND FEEL FREE TO COMMENT ON OTHER’S SECRETS!

Current Mood: creative

Comment-I make my mom hire the same plumber every time the drain is clogged because I know she’ll leave us alone and we have sex in my parent’s bed.

Comment-I love the person I’m with, but not as much as I loved/still love my ex. I was the one who broke it off with him, but I was just trying to see how much he really loved me, and if he’d fight to get me back. Obviously, he didn’t.

Comment- I lost my virginity with a prostitute.”

(LiveJournal Entry, 2006. I’ve always loved secrets.)